Don't cry over challenges ... MANI SHANKAR...

ANY ONE WHO LOSES CANNOT BE CALLED A LOSER.  BUT THE GUY WHO GIVES UP WITHOUT EVEN TRYING IS  A REAL LOSER
When will our society arrive at a stage where people are not labelled winners and losers?  Why are we always pitted against each other, made to compete for everything?  Why do we make life so damn tough for others?  I need to know this immediately," says 14 year-old Prithvi.
***
Despite the philosophical nature of the questions you have raised.  I am quite sure that one of the three things has recently happened to you:
1.  You performed badly in a test or exam.
2.  Some girl you fancied told you to get lost.
3.  An older sibling, a teacher or a parent scolded you or called you a "loser" for something  you did or did not do.
***
Even if none of these things have happened, get the word "loser" out of your head, now and forever.  It should no longer exist in your vocabulary.  Here's why.  There is a serious difference between losing and being a loser.  Anyone and everyone who loses cannot be called a loser.  In fact, no one who loses can be termed a loser.  But the guy who gives up without even trying is a real loser.
***
We compete for everything because as humans, we are programmed to be eternally dissatisfied with whatever we have.  It's in our nature to fight with each other all the time.  But don't let that worry you.  Conflict is a fact of life.  Better prepare for it.
***
Don't get philosophical and start feeling sad about the world either, for only stiff competition can bring out the best in you, sharpen your mind, strengthen your sinews, make a real man out of you.
***
So whether it's the exam hall or the cineplex mall, you are going to be competing for marks, for chicks, for attention, for practically everything.  You can't get soft on the world and cry about why we make life so tough for ourselves.
***
Life would be boring without the spice of challenge, without obstacles and conflicts.  Imagine if every boy had a proper girlfriend and everyone was going steady all the time... yuck!  Where
s the spice of getting a "look" from someone who is already "booked"?  Life would be like driving a thousand miles on a road that goes straight on a plain flat countryside.  Where's the scenery, where are the bends and turns, the bumps and uphill climbs?
***
If you have absolutely everything you want in life and there was nothing more to aspire for, you would die out of sheer boredom.  If you have nothing in life and have given up wanting any thing, your brain would shrink and wither away.  So stop snivelling about life and become tough.
***
We all need an identity for ourselves.  When you grow older, you need to look back and mark the milestones of your life and say "here is where I wrote my entrance exam", or "on this day I won that trophy" or even "I was wearing this shirt when she walked out of my life", or "on this very place we lost the finals".  All those milestones are nothing but obstacles you managed to overcome, or which overwhelmed you.  Either  way, they are great moments that defined your life.
***
So friend, forget about defeat and victory.  Concentrate on being there and doing that.  In life, even losing something after heroically trying is a very great achievement. 
***
So stuff the philosophy and get your ass cracking.  Sweat it out, bury your head in that book, get your sleeves dirty, whatever.  Just get real with life......
"WE COMPETE FOR EVERYTHING BECAUSE WE ARE PROGRAMMED TO BE ETERNALLY DISSATISFIED WITH WHATEVER WE HAVE.  BUT DON'T LET THAT WORRY YOU.  CONFLICT IS A FACT OF LIFE."
*******************....... MANI SHANKAR.. The author, a film, director, will help the youth strike a balance in their relationships.... 

Allot Worry A Small Slot In Mental Circuit... ANUPAM KHER

The renowned actor decodes the finer nuances of human psyche and behaviour and shows the route to self-improvement...

Anxiety has never been judged as a positive emotion.  It is linked with everything that is worthy of being discarded - nervousness, worry, stress and many more.  People with the anxiety syndrome are not too difficult to detect either.

***

They are tense, edgy, have a nervous look about them and they display a giveaway sometimes.  Like nervously biting their nails, or even chewing a handkerchief.  For them, life is a series of worries; will their child come back safely from school, will their children pass in their exams this year, do you think the maid is thinking about quitting her job?

***

And the worries are not just about the todays.  They stretch into tomorrows and the days after.  Will the children find suitable life partners, will the spouse remain faithful to them when they grow old, what happenes if they contract a life threatening disease?

***

In contrast, there are the what-me-care types; the people who have never known a worry.  They go through life blithely, having never known what a crinkled frown is.  You may think that such people are darned lucky.  But pause awhile and consider the baggage that such an attitude brings.

***

They never review their lives, never look back in introspection - let alone in anger - they just coast along from day to day.  Is this the correct state of bliss to be in?  Certainly not.

***

So you will realise that sometimes what we perceive to be a good state of being is also fraught with a lot of pitfalls.  If the worrier is caught up  in his thoughts and cannot break away from them to carry on with constructive endeavours, the what-me-worry folk may not be doing any mid-course correction at all and may go on from blunders to disasters.

***

Contrary to what we are led to believe, the worrier therefore may actually be sometimes better off than someone who never worries.  The ideal situation would of course be to have a blend of both; to worry just a little, not overtly.

***

Unfortunately, it is the worriers that are always noticed, not the never-worry folks.  Only those close to the latter know that beneath their self-assured facade may lie a lifetime of errors.

***

What does one do to stop worrying all the while?  For starters, one should consciously limit one's worrying hours.  Instead of getting vexed all the time, it would be a good first step to curtail worry time to say, an hour at a fixed time.  That would make the person conscious of his tendency when his mental circuitry gets into the loop.

***

Snap out of it and wait till the appointed hour.  I find this method more effective than telling people to put a blanket ban on putting on their worry caps.

***

And what should those people who are without a care do?  They should stop believing that they are in a state of bliss.  It is time for them to wake up and get real about their life and routine.  As I say, it is time to take a close look in the mirror...... ANUPAM KHER

Hope is the best miracle worker in life... Anupam Kher

THE CHANGE WITHIN

I had written some weeks ago about now different people have different ways of coming to terms with the loss of a loved one.  What is  however infinitely more difficult than coping with death, is coping with near-death.  I am referring to people who are living with terminal illnesses, like cancer, AIDS, or diseases of the autoimmune system which have no cure, as yet.  

***

Not only are many such patients unable to accept reality when confronted with it, but there is a huge proportion of patients who buckle down mentally as disease destroys them slowly, ever so slowly.  Therefore, to help them countenance their fate, almost all such illnesses have large support groups.  That is why in such cases, there is a debate on whether the patients ought to be informed about the true state of their health or not.

***

Last week I met two survivors of the Big C at a funeral occasion.  It was at the mourning ceremonies of one of the most energetic actors of yesteryear, Shammi Kapoor, who crossed the Great Divide.  At the ceremony, I met the scion of one of the country's largest film production houses, who was looking paler than usual.  He was one of the brightest youngsters in the industry and was working on offering entertainment on the internet and also on cellphones.  Now, he had lost some weight and some of his crowning glory.  I asked him what the matter was.  "I am down with cancer," he said starkly.  "But cancer has chosen a wrong victim... I am determined to fight back," he said,with determination in his eyes.

***
At the same place, I also met another woman who also told me about her battle with cancer.  "I read your columns which are filled with hope," she said.  "And now you must write about people like us, and give others who are battling such illnesses, hope..."  So here I am madam.
***

And I realised then that my younger brother Raju too had successfully, and very bravely, waged a battle against cancer a few years ago.  Raju was down with cancer of the urinary bladder and a stage came when the surgeons had to remove his bladder completely to save him.  That entailed him to a life with a catheter sticking out of him and his fluid being collected in a pouch by his side.  Not a pleasant existence for anyone.  But miraculously, the surgeons managed to fashion a bladder from his large intestine, sparing him the indignity of life with a puch.  Raju has been back on his feet since then, busy acting and directing television shows and doing the things he had always been doing.

***

Very often, life does not end with such illnesses.  There are thousands of cases of people who have fought back and overcome such illnesses.  The genius of physicist Stephen Hawking is one shining example.  As I say, a bend in the road is not always the end of the road.............

****
THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF CASES OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE FOUGHT BACK AND OVERCOME WHEN THE DOCTORS HAD WRITTEN THEM OFF..........