Marry For Happiness, Not Misery... ......

Girls continue to suffer in a bad marriage because parents don't support them.  In such cases they must fall back on their qualifications and be truly independent.....

Most Indian parents, even the urban ones, appear to be suffering from an acute case of divorce phobia.  It's terrifying to see them brainwash their unhappily married daughters to adjust and compromise to a life of hell, boredom or indifference.  This disturbing trend of not wanting to support their child when she wants to walk out of an unhappy marriage, is everywhere.  No matter how modern and liberated everyone claims to be, divorce is viewed as the ultimate failure in life which makes every other achievement seem insignificant.

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Why is it that parents who bring their child up with no gender bias, instill the need to study well, be outgoing and independent suddenly act all 18th century when she wants to end a bad marriage?  Sociologist GK Karanth says modern parents are at cross-roads.  "They bring up their daughters to be smart and well-educated because deep down they want her to grow up and marry well, as these qualifications will be a prerequisite for certain matrimonial alliances."  But when she is growing up it is never instilled in her that marriage and not career or financial independence is the true goal.  Karanth also feels the modern man wants an intelligent wife who is smart, modern and progressive, but still wants her to be mild, submissive and "yes, yes sir, three bags full" variety.  His mind is ambiguous about what he truly wants.  This is where problems crop up as roles, expectations and fulfillment clash.

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Parents refuse to accept that problems can't be fixed and coerce the wife to endure a bit more torture, saying all marriages face rough weather.

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When a well educated, pregnant girl in her late 20s complained to her father that her husband was being both physically and verbally abusive, he told her every would be fine once the baby came along!

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Another mother thought her child was being ridiculous when she wanted to leave her cheating husband. "Men are like that, as long as he comes home to you and is being nice, how does it matter?"

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Yes, today's independent girl doesn't really need parental support as she can get herself a job and be financially independent, but at such a vulnerable and difficult time she does need someone to hold her hand and tell her that she's not alone.  This is where parents are failing.

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Even if the couple is simply incompatible and the girl is miserable parents don't want the D word mentioned.

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India is still considered to be a patriarchal society and a divorced girl is looked upon secretly as a failure by most.  Vineeta Shah, an emotional consultant says, "Divorce is stigma, even if parents are supportive they are viewed as a "fast" family with no values."  Shah says it is imbibed in a girl that she has to adjust, you don't always get everything, you need to give in more....

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The poor girl is so confused that it takes a lot of strength and soul searching to say, "I will manage without anyone's help."  If things get really bad, parents are there but they are reluctant to stand by their daughter.

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If minor changes and adjustments make the relationship work, go for it.  But if dialogue, communication and small compromises don't work then the relationship is not going to work, says Shah.  That's when women need to realise that now is the time to show how independent they can be without a husband or parents to hold their hands..........

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Sun Dried Wonders... Taste It...MEALANIE ANDRADE....

Sun-dried tomatoes are an acquired taste but once you get used to the intense flavour you will be hooked.  Just a handful of sun dried tomatoes goes adds a more complex taste and they can be used in a variety of wonderful ways. 

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Sun-dried tomatoes can be bought in jars, packed in olive oil.  These just have to be drained (use oil for salad dressing or stir-fries) before using.  If you buy them in a packet, they need to be reconstituted before use.  Soak them in hot water for half an hour.  Drain the water (use this for stocks and pasta sauces), and use.  Once reconstituted, they need to be consumed within a few days.  If they are in oil, they can be refrigerated for two weeks after opening.

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Here are two easy recipes to get you started.

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Sun-dried Tomato Hummus
INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 cup boiled chickpeas

1/2 tsp chopped garlic

3 tbsp lemon juice

2 tbsp readymade tahini

1/4 tsp salt

Olive Oil

A handful of chopped sun-dried tomatoes

Chilli flakes, a pinch Parsley, chopped finely

METHOD

 Place boiled chickpeas in a mixer and blend till smooth.  Add crushed garlic, tahini, salt and lemon juice.  Remove and keep aside.

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Take chopped, sun-dried tomatoes and place in mixer with one tbsp of olive oil.

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Blend till a smooth pesto forms.  Place hummus in a bowl with the sun dried tomato pesto carefully landled on top of it.  Swirl it around but do not mix it completely.  Drizzle with olive oil and garnish with chopped parsley for colour.

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Chicken with Sun-dried Tomatoes

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 tbsp olive oil

4 boneless chicken breasts, halved

Freshly ground black pepper 

10 sun-dried tomatoes, drained

1 onion, chopped

4 cloves of garlic, chopped

1 zucchini, finely sliced

1 cup of broccoli florets

1 1/2 cups of chicken stock

1 tsp oregano

1 1/2 tsp cornflour

1/4 tsp chilli flakes 

1/4 cup cream

Pasta to serve

Grated Parmesan

METHOD

Cut Chicken into cubes, sprinkle with pepper.  Saute chicken in olive oil for five minutes.  Keep aside.  Heat more oil and fry onions till soft.  Add the garlic, zucchini, and broccoli.  Add half the chicken stock and let it simmer for fiver minutes.  Mix the remaining stock with the oregano and cornflour.  Add chicken and chilli flakes and cook till sauce is thick.  Lower the flame and slowly add the cream.  Blend well.  Season to taste and top with grated Parmesan.  Serve with pasta of your choice....

Cool The Planet PLANT A TREE.. M. Sonalee

Planting trees has often been the first line of defence against global warming.  Trees, after all, cool the atmosphere by drinking in the carbon dioxide from the air.  Scientists say that trees absorb and store the key greenhouse gases emitted by cars and power plants.  All plants absorb carbon dioxide but trees process significantly more than smaller plants do, due to their large size and extensive and root structures.

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Says environmentalist Subhas Datta, "In essence, trees are like the kings of the plant world.  They have much more "woody biomass" to store carbon dioxide than smaller plants."  Subsequently, they are considered nature's most efficient carbon sinks.

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According to Datta, certain trees are better absorbents of carbon dioxide than others.  "There 'carbon traps' usually grow quickly and live long," says Datta.  Unfortunately, both qualities cannot be found together in foliage.  Normally younger trees grow faster but their older partners are better absorbents.

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It has been found that trees that grow slower can store much more carbon over their significantly longer lives.  A study shows that tropical, evergreen forests are better at tackling global warming.  According to a study by Dr Govindasamy Bala of Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory, evergreens like confers and red cedar, "cut down on emissions and help keep the planet cool."  Dr Bala also observes that the further a person moves away from the equator these gains are eroded.  According to researchers, planting trees in mid and high latitude locations do not have similar effects.  In fact, on the contrary they could increase temperatures by 2100.

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Therefore, you need to plant the right tree at the right location to avail of the benefits of carbon sequestration.  If one takes the US into consideration, each specific region will have a tree that is the best absorbent in that region.  For instance, in Hawaii, it is the eucalyptus; loblolly pine acts best as an absorbent in the Southeast while poplars are best in the Great Lakes.

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Stan Wullschleger, who is a researcher at Tennessee's Oak Ridge National Laboratory specialising in the physiological response of plants to global climate change, observes that there are dozens of tree species that could be planted depending on location, soil and climate.

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It is prudent to remember that ultimately a tree of any shape, size or genetic origin can help absorb carbon dioxide.  "The least expensive option is to plant a tree in your garden (if you have one) as it will help offset the production of carbon dioxide," suggests Datta.

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Trees that are low maintenance are the best absorbents.  This has been pointed out by Dave Nowak, a researcher at the US Forest Service's Northern Research Station in Syracuse, New York.  While studying the use of trees for carbon sequestration in 2002, he discovered that trees like the common horse-chestnut, black walnut, London plane, American Sweetgum, Douglas fir, ponderosa pine, red pine, white pine, hispaniolan pine, scarlet oak, red oak, Virginia live oak and bald cypress are very good at absorbing and storing carbon dioxide.  In his research paper, Nowak advises urban land developers to avoid trees that require a lot of maintenance, as the burning of fossil fuels to power equipment like trucks and chainsaws will only erase the carbon absorption gains otherwise made.

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So, if you want to tackle global warming, all that you need to do is to plant a neem tree in your garden or anywhere in the vicinity! Simple, isn't is?

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