Girls continue to suffer in a bad marriage because parents don't support them. In such cases they must fall back on their qualifications and be truly independent.....
Most Indian parents, even the urban ones, appear to be suffering from an acute case of divorce phobia. It's terrifying to see them brainwash their unhappily married daughters to adjust and compromise to a life of hell, boredom or indifference. This disturbing trend of not wanting to support their child when she wants to walk out of an unhappy marriage, is everywhere. No matter how modern and liberated everyone claims to be, divorce is viewed as the ultimate failure in life which makes every other achievement seem insignificant.
***
Why is it that parents who bring their child up with no gender bias, instill the need to study well, be outgoing and independent suddenly act all 18th century when she wants to end a bad marriage? Sociologist GK Karanth says modern parents are at cross-roads. "They bring up their daughters to be smart and well-educated because deep down they want her to grow up and marry well, as these qualifications will be a prerequisite for certain matrimonial alliances." But when she is growing up it is never instilled in her that marriage and not career or financial independence is the true goal. Karanth also feels the modern man wants an intelligent wife who is smart, modern and progressive, but still wants her to be mild, submissive and "yes, yes sir, three bags full" variety. His mind is ambiguous about what he truly wants. This is where problems crop up as roles, expectations and fulfillment clash.
***
Parents refuse to accept that problems can't be fixed and coerce the wife to endure a bit more torture, saying all marriages face rough weather.
***
When a well educated, pregnant girl in her late 20s complained to her father that her husband was being both physically and verbally abusive, he told her every would be fine once the baby came along!
***
Another mother thought her child was being ridiculous when she wanted to leave her cheating husband. "Men are like that, as long as he comes home to you and is being nice, how does it matter?"
***
Yes, today's independent girl doesn't really need parental support as she can get herself a job and be financially independent, but at such a vulnerable and difficult time she does need someone to hold her hand and tell her that she's not alone. This is where parents are failing.
***
Even if the couple is simply incompatible and the girl is miserable parents don't want the D word mentioned.
***
India is still considered to be a patriarchal society and a divorced girl is looked upon secretly as a failure by most. Vineeta Shah, an emotional consultant says, "Divorce is stigma, even if parents are supportive they are viewed as a "fast" family with no values." Shah says it is imbibed in a girl that she has to adjust, you don't always get everything, you need to give in more....
***
The poor girl is so confused that it takes a lot of strength and soul searching to say, "I will manage without anyone's help." If things get really bad, parents are there but they are reluctant to stand by their daughter.
***
If minor changes and adjustments make the relationship work, go for it. But if dialogue, communication and small compromises don't work then the relationship is not going to work, says Shah. That's when women need to realise that now is the time to show how independent they can be without a husband or parents to hold their hands..........
***************
No comments:
Post a Comment