BEING PROUD OF YOURSELF ISN'T SUCH A BAD THING, TAKING PRIDE IN YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS, THE VALUES AND BELIEFS THAT YOU UPHOLD IS AN INTEGRAL PART OF ONE'S PERSONALITY. OF COURSE, ONE NEEDS TO KNOW WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE TOO
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A high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing: this is how a dictionary defines 'pride'. Clearly its meaning is quite obvious to all of us. It is what we do with it and how we let it affect us which causes all the trouble.
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Another dictionary defines 'pride' as "a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from achievements, qualities, or possessions that do one credit". It is the same feeling; all that's changed its how we perceive it, how we react to it and yet again, how we let it affect us. The purpose is to feel pride by the second definition. Once we understand the difference between the two, it is an effortless process.
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It is very important for all human beings to be proud of themselves, without the pride. The boundary is thin, and hence a little tricky too.
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In general terms, a deep feeling of happiness and satisfaction on ones achievements, accompanied by a desire to learn and grow more is the appropriate balance; it is achieved when one is ready to learn from everyone regardless of his/her stature, social standing, age or education; and also from every situation, regardless of our being involved directly, indirectly, or not at all.
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The difference comes when we cross the fine line and move to superbia from pride. Pride also has humility as an integral part, yet just by being aware of our humility we take away its purity. The mere fact that we are aware of it goes against the true nature of being humble. If we are humble, then we just are. Awareness is not a necessary part of it.
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People can look up to you for your values, work or beliefs and would ideally make you feel satisfied with yourself as a human being. It might not be the criterion for you to define and derive your satisfaction, yet it might help. It can also motivate you to learn, refine and grow more. That's pride. On the other hand, expecting people to appreciate you because you have strong values is a reflection of your feeling of superbia or pride by the first definition.
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Buddhism provides a definition of pride that fits best in this case, "Pride is defined as an exaggerated positive evaluation of oneself, often based on a devaluation of others. It results in a kind of attachment to oneself and aversion to others".
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Superbia creates expectation. Expectation to be complimented, to be followed, to be praised and even to be idolised. All this may be very subtle but on introspection, it clearly hits the face. Even if your first reaction on reading this is, "I don't feel so", just peep inside once. Think objectively and be honest to yourself while doing this analysis. If you find no traces of these feelings, then please be proud of yourself as you truly do posses a quality that's commendable. And if your find even slight traces, be proud of yourself for being strong enough to admit to it and being ready to change. Only when we accept our shortcomings can we actually get down to working on them.
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Accepting your shortcomings is another huge part of moving from superbia to pride. When we can't see our faults, we are completely blinded by negative or inappropriate pride. We keep looking for excuses outside ourselves for things going wrong. Even while trying to evaluate a given situation we would be able to effortlessly see how someone else caused us trouble, how they are the main reasons for things back-firing and not going our way. We almost seem synonymous to being victims. We are the victims, not of others but of our own inappropriate sense of pride. Another thing that pride does to us it that it creates presumptions. We we operate out of negative pride, we naturally operate out of a pre-conceived notion about ourselves, which may not be what the other person thinks of us. Like we can easily tell the difference between an actual hard worker and a person who constantly seems/looks busy, similarly in the case of pride, we may believe that our pride does not show, but it is quite evident inn our actions, reactions and perceptions. Hence, it's a huge cycle of faulty self image, presumptions followed by unreal expectations and finally what goes for a toss is, where it all started from, 'pride'.
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Why not just value yourself for what you are. Be realistic about your characteristics, have appropriate self-esteem, right amount of dignity, correct perception of your achievements. Why not be ready to learn and change, to be willing to improve, to become better people by simply taking pride in your stride.
...... The writer is a counselling psychologist and a holistic healer
