Relationships are dicey. Often, it becomes tricky to convey truth without hurting the person. It could be a hairstyle gone wrong, clothes that don't suit the person or poor hygiene habits. In the movie "Friends with Money", one of the characters gets upset with her husband for asking her to watch what she eats, and thinks he is being insensitive.
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Psychotherapist Dr. Vinaya Prabha Baligar suggests ways to tactfully get your point across. "Never make a comment about the person but always about his/her behaviour, because behaviour can be changed but personality cannot." The first thing to do, she suggests, is to make a list of the traits that you would prefer changed and those that you can adjust to. "Then check your intentions -- if it is to show that you are better than the other person, be certain that what you say will not be received well. If it is to give genuine feedback, the reaction will be positive."
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Dr Vinaya Prabha, who practices counselling at Bangalore, recommends starting with a positive remark so that the receiver is ina pleasant state of mind. "Then state the 'negative' behaviour that you want changed. If you are misunderstood in spite of good intentions, then understand that the other person is not open to receiving any negative comments from you. You could then get another person to whose comments the person is open."
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The person at the receiving end also has to take things in the right spirit for the relationship to work. "Perceive the comment as one meant to help you," says Dr. Vinaya Prabha. "Understand that constructive feedback helps us improve our relationships and ourselves. And only another person who genuinely cares for our well being can give us such feedback."
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